Imagine two nannies with the same experience and the same warm manner. At 15:30, the first sends a short message to the parents: “Home safely. Lunch finished, nap was 90 minutes. Homework done except spelling, we’ll finish after bath. Zanele was a bit tearful about a friendship issue at school.” The second says nothing at all.
Both may have had an equally good afternoon. But the first parent will walk through the door feeling informed and reassured, and the second may spend the afternoon quietly wondering. That small difference is what this guide is about.
At Kith, we believe that au pair and nanny communication skills are among the most important things a childcare professional can develop. Experience and warmth matter, and so does reliability. But communication is what holds a placement together, because it turns good care into trust. In this guide, we explain why communication matters, how to talk to parents and children, how to handle difficult conversations and how to build the habits that make a placement last.
Why communication matters as much as childcare Skills
Parents are usually not at home when you are caring for their children. They are in meetings, in traffic or on the other side of Johannesburg. Everything they know about their child’s day comes from what you tell them, and so they rely on you to notice things, remember things and share things.
In our experience, communication is often what separates a good placement from a great one. A family can forgive a burnt dinner or a missed nap, but it is harder to forgive finding out about a problem from someone else. Clear, honest, regular communication prevents small issues from becoming big ones, and it shows parents that you take the role seriously.
Communicating With Parents
Agree how you will communicate
In your first week, ask how the family likes to be kept informed. Would they like a message at a set time, a quick call, a note on the fridge or a few minutes in the evening? Agree what counts as urgent and what can wait, and when you should expect a reply. Clarity on this at the start saves a great deal of confusion later
Give short, useful daily updates
A good update is brief, specific and calm. It usually covers meals, naps, mood, activities, homework and anything that needs the parents’ attention. “A good day” tells a parent very little. “Ate all his lunch, played in the garden for an hour, finished his reading and was a bit quiet after school” tells them what they actually want to know.
Families who work with Kith also have access to a child’s record of important daily notes, milestones and progress, so they are never left guessing. Keeping your own notes through the day makes updates easier and more accurate.
Tell them before they ask
Proactive communication builds trust faster than almost anything else. If a child bumped their head, refused to eat or had a difficult moment, let the parents know straight away, calmly and factually. Say what happened, what you did and what you plan to do next. Families trust a nanny or au pair who shares things quickly far more than one who hopes they will not notice.
Ask when you are not sure
It is always better to ask than to guess. If an instruction is unclear, repeat it back in your own words: “Just so I’ve understood, he can have one biscuit after supper and no screen time on weekdays?” Write down allergies, medication times and routines so that nothing depends on memory.
Listen properly
Communication is not only speaking. When parents explain a routine, share a worry or give feedback, listen fully before you respond. If feedback stings, try not to be defensive. A good response is often simply: “Thank you, I’ll do it that way.”
Communicating With Children
Children need to feel heard too, and how you talk to them shapes how safe they feel with you.
- Babies and toddlers respond to tone, routine and a calm, familiar voice. Narrating what you are doing helps them feel secure.
- Pre-schoolers do best with simple choices and short, clear instructions: “Shoes on, then we go outside.”
- School-going children benefit from explanations as well as rules. Telling them why helps them cooperate.
- Older children appreciate being treated with respect and listened to.
Whatever the age, get down to the child’s level, use a calm voice and name feelings: “You seem frustrated.” Follow the family’s rules consistently, and never use communication as a way to shame or threaten. If a child tells you something that worries you about their safety or wellbeing, do not keep it to yourself. Speak to the parents calmly and promptly and, if you are unsure what to do, to us.
Raising concerns and having difficult conversations
At some point, every au pair or nanny has to raise something awkward: a change in hours, a task that was not part of the agreement, a concern about a child or a disagreement about discipline. How you handle it matters enormously
- Choose the moment. Pick a calm, private time rather than the doorway at hand-over or in front of the children.
- Speak early. Small frustrations grow when they are left unspoken.
- Stick to facts and “I” statements. “I’ve noticed I’m finishing later than we agreed” lands better than “You always keep me late.”
- Say what you need. Be clear about what would help.
- Listen to their side. There may be context you do not have.
- Follow up. A short message afterwards confirming what you agreed prevents misunderstandings.
If you are not sure how to raise something, or it does not resolve, contact Kith. Our team can help clarify expectations, and we encourage families and providers to raise concerns early so that the appropriate next steps can be considered. We explore related ideas in our article on building trust as a nanny and professional boundaries.
Written messages and digital communication
Most day-to-day communication with families happens by message, so it is worth getting right.
- Keep messages short, clear and polite, and check for misunderstandings before you send.
- Avoid sending long emotional messages. Anything sensitive is better discussed in person or on the phone.
- Agree when it is acceptable to message outside working hours.
- Never share photos or videos of the children, or details about the family, with anyone else or on social media unless the parents have clearly agreed.
Communicating across languages and cultures
South Africa is a multilingual country, and many au pairs, nannies and families speak different home languages. English may be a second or third language for you, for the parents or for both. That is completely normal, and it does not mean communication has to suffer. Speak plainly and avoid slang or idioms that could be misread. Confirm understanding by repeating back what you heard.
Write down important information such as medication, allergies and emergency contacts. Do not be afraid to ask someone to explain a word or slow down. If the children speak another language at home, encourage it, since it is part of who they are. And if you are unsure how to address your employers, ask. Some families prefer first names and others a more formal title, and agreeing early shows respect on both sides.
Communicating in an emergency
In an emergency, clear communication saves time. Make sure you have the parents’ numbers, a backup contact, the family’s doctor and preferred hospital, and the home address and estate access instructions to hand. When you call, keep it short and clear: what has happened, where you are, what you have done so far and what you need. Call for help first and explain the detail afterwards. We cover this more in our guide on first aid for au pairs.
Communication during your application and interview
Communication skills start to show long before your first day. Your CV, your references and your interview all tell us something about how you communicate. We ask for experience with children and references we can call, and our reference triangulation cross-checks what several referees say against each other, so clear, consistent information helps. In our in-person interview, we look for warmth, honesty and the ability to listen as much as what is written on paper.
We cover how references work in our guide on au pair references. It also goes both ways. When we introduce you to a family, you receive relevant placement information before you decide, and you can ask questions about hours, duties, transport and house rules. Asking them is not being difficult. It shows you take the role seriously.
Common communication mistakes
- Saying yes to everything, then quietly resenting it
- Staying silent about a concern until it becomes a crisis
- Sharing bad news late, when an early heads-up would have been easier
- Becoming defensive when given feedback
- Oversharing family details with friends, other families or on social media
- Messaging at all hours, or expecting instant replies
A Weekly Check-In Habit
A ten-minute chat at the end of the week can transform a placement. Ask what went well, what could be better and whether anything needs to change for the week ahead. It gives both sides a regular, low-pressure space to raise things, so that nothing builds up unspoken.
A Note for parents
Communication is a two-way street. Be clear about your expectations and routines, share information the carer needs, give feedback early and kindly, and say thank you. Treat your nanny or au pair as a professional partner, and she is far more likely to speak up when something matters. If you are still looking for someone, our guide on how to find a nanny in South Africa explains what we look for and what we advise
How Kith supports Au Pairs and Nannies
We clarify duties before a placement begins, and we share relevant placement information with you before you decide whether to proceed. Our team remains available throughout your placement, and you can contact us for guidance if a problem arises. Every Kith Companion is trained through the Kith Academy, which covers professional practice, first aid, child development, learning support and safeguarding, and is covered by free life and disability insurance while active with us.
It costs nothing to join, train or be listed. To apply, you need to be legally allowed to work in South Africa and have at least a year of childcare experience. Au pairs must be 19 or older and able to commit to a family for 12 months, and nannies commit for a minimum of six to twelve months. We review every application personally.
Communication builds trust that lasts
Au pair and nanny communication skills come down to a handful of habits: agree on how you will communicate, give short and honest updates, tell parents early, listen well, speak to children with respect and raise concerns calmly and early. They cost nothing, and they are often what turns a good placement into one that lasts.
If you are an experienced au pair or nanny looking for a family that values your professionalism, we would love to hear from you. Apply to join Kith, tell us about your experience and the kind of placement you are looking for, and we will take it from there. And if you are a parent looking for an au pair or nanny who fits your family, get in touch with us, and we will help you find someone you can genuinely trust.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is communication so important for an au pair or nanny?
Parents are usually not at home, so they rely on you to notice things and tell them about their child’s day. Clear, honest, regular communication builds trust, prevents small issues from becoming big ones and shows that you take the role seriously.
How often should I update the parents?
It depends on the family, so ask in your first week. Many families like a short daily update, covering meals, naps, mood, activities and homework, plus an immediate message if anything important happens.
How do I raise a concern with a parent without causing conflict?
Choose a calm, private moment, speak early, stick to facts and use “I” statements. Say what you need and listen to their side. If it does not resolve, contact Kith and our team can help clarify expectations.
What if English is not my first language?
That is very common. Speak plainly, repeat back what you have understood, write down important information and ask people to slow down or explain a word. Clear, honest communication matters more than perfect English.
What should I do if I make a mistake?
Tell the parents straight away, calmly and factually. Explain what happened, what you did and what you will do differently. Families trust people who are honest about mistakes far more than people who hope they will not be noticed.
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