You told her the children can have one snack after school. Nobody told her which snack, or that one meant an apple and not the biscuit tin.
Two weeks later, you’re quietly annoyed and she’s quietly confused. Nobody did anything wrong. This is how most au pair arrangements start to wobble.
What an Au Pair Actually Does
An au pair is a childcare partner who supports your family’s daily rhythm. She isn’t a cleaner and she isn’t a full-time teacher. Her job is the children.
Typically, that includes:
- School runs and getting children to activities on time
- Afternoon care, including snacks, play and homework help
- Routine support at mealtimes, bath time and bedtime
- Engaging time with the children that isn’t on a screen
A nanny usually brings more formal, long-term childcare experience. An au pair is often the better fit when you want an energetic, flexible presence who grows into your routine. You can read more about their differences here.
Why unspoken rules hurt busy families most
When both parents work and the days are full, rules live in your head. You know them so well that you forget they’re invisible to anyone new. An au pair can’t read your mind. She can only follow what she’s been told, and she’ll fill the gaps with her own assumptions.
The One-page house manual (Our Expert Framework)
Here’s the counter-intuitive part. Most families spend weeks vetting experience and ten minutes briefing the job. Flip that.
Before she starts, write a one-page manual with four parts:
- Always: What must happen every day (school bags packed, homework done, bath by 6:30).
- Never: Your firm limits (screen time, treats, who may collect the children).
- Ask me first: The grey areas where you want a quick message before she decides.
- Call me immediately: Illness, injury, or anything that feels wrong.
The Ask me first list is the secret. It gives her permission to check in without feeling like she’s failed, and it stops small decisions from becoming big resentments.
What to Check Before You Say Yes
Whoever you choose, you should be able to answer yes to each of these:
- Identity and police clearance have been verified
- Experience with children’s age has been seen in practice, not just claimed
- Driving has been discussed, if school runs are part of the role
- Accommodation or travel arrangements are sorted
- Hours, duties and house rules are written down (your manual covers this)
At Kith, we handle the vetting, which includes ID verification, police clearance and a practical session with children. Our au pairs also complete training through the Kith Academy.
How to Brief Your Au Pair in the First Week
- Walk her through the manual in person, not by message
- Show her one full day, start to finish
- Agree on how you’d like to be updated
- Book a short check-in for the end of week one, and again at month one
Frequently asked questions
Ready to Find Your Au Pair?
The right au pair doesn’t just fill a gap in your diary. She gives your family back its evenings. Join Kith and we’ll match you with a vetted, trained au pair who fits your home.
Want to see exactly how it works for Steyn City? Read about our Au Pair in Midstream service
If you’d like a younger, more flexible helper instead, our guide to hiring a nanny in Midstream explains how to hire for the handover, not just the CV ourselves.
