Picture an au pair with two years of experience, a warm personality and a well-written CV. She applies for a placement she is perfect for. Then, when we try to phone her last employer, the number is out of service, and the one person who could speak about her work has moved away. The placement stalls, not because of anything she did wrong, but because nobody can confirm what she did right.
At Kith, we see how much difference references make, and how easily they can be overlooked. Au pair references are one of the most important parts of a childcare application, and they are also one of the easiest to prepare well. In this guide, we explain why references matter, who to ask, how to prepare your referees and how we use references when we vet au pairs. If you are a parent, there is a section for you too
Why references matter in childcare
A CV tells us what you have done. A reference tells us how you did it. Families are not just hiring a set of skills. They are inviting someone into their home and trusting them with their children, and that is a very big step to take on the strength of a document alone.
A good reference is the closest a family can come to seeing you at work. It confirms that your experience is real, shows how you handled the everyday realities of childcare and gives a family confidence that you are someone they can rely on. For you, it is often the thing that turns a good application into a trusted one.
How we use references at Kith
We ask for experience with children and references we can call. That wording is deliberate. A written letter can be a helpful addition, but it is not enough on its own.
Reference checking is one part of our seven-stage vetting process. Every Kith Companion goes through identity and right-to-work verification, SAPS police clearance, child-protection screening, reference triangulation, a practical assessment with children, an in-person interview and continuous re-checking
By triangulation, we mean that we speak to multiple references, phone them and cross-check what each one tells us against the others, rather than simply collecting names. We are not looking for perfection. We are looking for a consistent, honest picture of who you are with children. When your CV, your referees and your own account all line up, it gives families a great deal of confidence.
Who to ask for a reference
The best references come from people who have watched you work with children. In practice, that
usually means:
- Families you have worked for as an au pair, nanny or babysitter
- Supervisors at a crèche, aftercare programme, school or holiday programme
- Coordinators of any formal volunteering or youth work involving children
- Previous employers who can speak about your reliability, punctuality and communication
Your most recent role matters most, because families want to know how you work now. If you have cared for relatives’ children, be open about it and add at least one referee from outside your family, because a different perspective strengthens your application.
How to prepare your referees
Strong references rarely happen by accident. A little preparation helps your referees help you.up to preliminary examinations.
- Ask permission first. Always check that someone is happy to be your referee before you put their name down.
- Check their contact details. A number that rings out or an email that bounces can stall your application.
- Tell them about the role. Explain what you are applying for, so they can speak about the skills that matter most.
- Jog their memory. Remind them of the dates you worked together, the ages of the children and what you were responsible for.
- Let them know someone will call. A referee who is expecting a call, and knows when it might come, gives a much better conversation than one who is caught off guard.
- Thank them. They are doing you a favour, and a short message afterwards goes a long way.
What a strong reference covers
When we speak to referees, we are interested in practical, specific detail. A strong reference usually covers the dates you worked together and what you were responsible for, the ages of the children you cared for, how reliable and punctual you were, how you communicated with parents and how you handled challenges such as a sick child, a tantrum or an unexpected change of plan.
Often the most telling question is the simplest: “Would you hire her again?”. The more specific your referee can be, the more convincing the reference is. That is another reason to prepare them in advance.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
A few things can quietly weaken an otherwise strong application:
- Out-of-date contact details, or referees who did not know they were being listed
- Leaving out a previous job, which creates a gap that raises questions
- Rounding up dates or duties, because inconsistencies show up quickly when references are cross-checked
- Relying only on a written letter without a referee who can be contacted
- Hoping a difficult chapter will not come up, when being upfront is almost always better
If a previous placement ended badly, tell us before we call. Explain what happened, calmly and honestly, and tell us what you learned. A calm account from you is far easier to work with than a surprise during a reference call.
What if you do not have references yet?
At Kith, we ask for at least a year of childcare experience, so references from that experience are an important part of applying. If you do not yet have that experience, we would rather be honest and say you may not be ready yet than set you up for disappointment.
A good first step is to gain experience in a crèche, an aftercare programme or with a family, and to ask for a reference at the end of that time. Look after those relationships, because a referee who remembers you warmly is worth more than any number of generic letters.
A Note for Parents
If you are a parent hiring an au pair privately, references matter for you too. Speak to more than one referee, and ask specific questions, such as how she handled a sick child, how reliable she was and whether they would hire her again. Then compare what each person tells you with what she told you herself.
The aim is a full picture, not a pile of paperwork. Our guide on how to find a nanny in South Africa explains more about the checks we encourage families to make.
How applying to Kith works
When you apply to join Kith as an au pair, we review every application personally, and we only match candidates with families we know well. To apply, you need to be 19 or older, legally allowed to work in South Africa, have at least a year of childcare experience and be able to commit to a family for 12 months. You will upload your CV and your ID or work permit, and we will be in touch about your references and the next steps in our vetting process.
If you are matched, we introduce you to families whose requirements fit your profile. You receive relevant placement information before you decide, and you are free to say no to a family. Every au pair on the Kith panel is trained through the Kith Academy and covered by free life and disability insurance while active with us. It costs nothing to join, train or be listed.
Making your references work for you
Au pair references matter because families need to trust the person they invite into their home, and references are the clearest way to show that you can be trusted. Choose referees who have seen you with children, prepare them well, be honest about your history and keep the details consistent across your CV, your references and your conversations.
If you are an experienced au pair looking for a family that values your work, we would love to hear from you. Apply to join Kith, tell us about your experience and we will take it from there. And if you are a parent looking for an au pair you can trust, get in touch with us and we will help you find someone who fits your family.
Frequently Asked Questions
How many references do I need as an au pair?
We ask for references we can call, and our process involves multiple references that are crosschecked against each other. Aim to have a few ready, ideally from families or employers who have seen you work with children.
Can I use a family member as a reference?
A relative can speak about your character, but families and agencies want to hear from people who have seen you care for children in a working arrangement. If you have cared for relatives’ children, mention it, and add at least one referee from outside your family.
Do I need a written reference letter?
A letter can be a helpful extra, but it does not replace a referee we can phone. We cross-check what referees tell us, so contactable people matter more than documents.
What if my last employer will not give me a reference?
Be honest about the situation and offer other referees who have seen you work, such as earlier families or a crèche supervisor. If you are worried, tell us before we call so that we can understand the context.
Do references really matter if I have lots of experience?
Yes. Experience tells a family what you have done, but references confirm it and show how you did it. They are one of the clearest ways to build trust before you have even met a family.
